The Luxury of Dreams

Was taken out for an absolutely lovely bon voyage dinner last night and began talking about the luxury of having dreams. I remembered having a conversation with a friend (the same friend who pushed me over the tipping point to actually go on this trip). She said that I was lucky to have a dream. That she longed for a clear sense of purpose and focused desire like that. The sentiment was echoed by my dinner companions and the more I think about it, the more I've heard versions of it quite a lot.

There are many manifestations of dream anorexia. Some of us choose more socially acceptable versions of what we'd really like to do. Like becoming an editor when we'd really like to write. Some just follow life's "Shoulds" and get jobs that our parents would approve of. Sometimes our own psychological injuries lead us to a life's work of overcompensating for them. Like growing up poor and becoming obsessed with money.

I've said for years that my career has run parallel to my dreams. Close enough to touch them, but millions of miles away. I've always wanted to be a writer and a performer. When I was a kid, I'd play dress up every day, creating worlds and characters and stories and acting them out. But, I got scared. There is no prescribed path for creative people. Even my well-meaning parents couldn't offer much guidance. As doctors, their path was pretty cut and dried. Undergrad science, med school, residency and ten years later, you're a doctor. You'll make several hundred grand a year and have the respect of the entire world. Lucky bastards.

I often joke about how my father was born knowing what he wanted to do. I lamented my drifting from job to job, lost and completely lacking in direction. I, too, wanted the focus and drive that comes from knowing exactly what you want and doing what it takes to get it.

The thing is, I already knew. And I'll go out on a limb here and say this: so do you. You already know exactly what you want to do. Your dreams are already there, waiting for you. You just don't know it.

Don't worry. I won't go all woo woo on you just yet (that comes later), but consider this: you intuitively know exactly what it is you are supposed to be doing, but the chatter in your head is drowning it out. Your mind works overtime processing and analyzing and judging and commenting. It compares every bit of information to what it already knows to be "true" and evaluates it based on a filter of past experience, imposed morals and beliefs.

What if you just asked it politely to be quiet? If you got out of your own way and allowed your intuition to speak up.

Listening to your gut is a surefire way to discovering and living your dreams.

Sound too easy? I suppose it is. Once you get the mind-chatter to quiet down. Up until this point, you've probably been trusting your mind. Your thoughts and emotions (sneaky buggers) have been bossing you around. They are convincing, I'll give them that. But they're operating on fear and what other people will think and beliefs that have formed over time. Beliefs like 'Money equals security' or 'I have to be responsible.'

Trusting and listening to one's gut takes some practice. Especially if your little intuition has been sitting silent for a while. Its voice will be rusty and it may not trust that it's okay to speak. The mind has been the boss: loud, judgmental, commenting and trying to control everything that happens. Bossypants may not want to take a breather and back off. It likes being in control.

So be gentle. Allow your mind to just take 'er easy. Do some deep breathing. Listen to a meditation podcast (my new favourite thing in the world). Do some exercise to tire her out. And then listen. And listen some more. It may take a while, but if you keep quieting the mind, eventually your gut will speak up.

It's okay to ask for guidance. It's okay to begin a conversation with your intuition, the same way we converse with our minds. Ask your intuition to speak to you. See what it says. It might be just a whisper at first, but it will get stronger and louder the more you give it permission to speak. The more you get out of your own way.

Messages from our intuition can be nebulous and seemingly pointless. Or they can be fully formed and crystal clear. They all have value. An example of each. I had the opportunity for a promotion from being the editor of a magazine to being the publisher of a magazine. A status-filled, ego-satisfying societal upgrade in many people's eyes. My salary would have doubled. I would have been the youngest publisher in this company's history. My parents would be so proud.

I was flown to Toronto for an interview with the VP of the third-largest publishing company in the country. I got the job. I accepted the job. Five days later, sitting in the Vancouver airport, my gut spoke up. It's. Not. Right. Three words. Undeniably clear. Straight from my stomach. The words seemed to float in the air in front of my face. I stared at them, half willing them to disappear, half desperately relieved they had finally shown up. Of course it wasn't right! Being publisher meant selling advertising all day and every day. I was a writer for God's sake. I quit the job and have never looked back.

So, that one was crystal clear and unmistakable. The other example, not so much. I had, like millions of others, joined Facebook and was in the process of reconnecting with people from university, high school, grade school, etc. Much of the early stages of Facebook involves semi-sincere offers to 'get together sometime and catch up.' Most of these come to naught.

But I was compelled to get together with a certain young lady I knew in university. We went for green tea smoothies and the conversation was incredible. She told me about a play series that was accepting submissions and it twigged with me. I put together an application, which got accepted to my surprise. And the result was my one-woman show and on a larger scale reconnecting with my dreams.

The point here is that if you follow the instructions from your intuition, no matter how small and tangential they seem to you, you cannot go wrong.

How can you tell the difference between the voice in your head and the voice in your gut? Messages from your intuition are usually very simple. Do this. Go here. Call him. There is no circuitous reasoning or analysis: call him and ask him about this and maybe he'll say that and then you'll do this. No. That's your head.

Your intuition will say something like, "Guitar." And you'll be perplexed. The next day, you'll notice a music shop down the street and there will be a sign in the window that says 'Guitar Lessons.' You see how this works? It's an inner guidance system. Trust it. Follow it.