Three Sleeps

There comes a point when you've said YES to your dreams and you've walked through the door that has opened and they're happening. And you want to crawl back into bed and never come out.

It's like the first day of school. You peacocked around for days beforehand, all puffed up about being a 'big girl now' and you were all decked out in your new back to school outfit and your first day of school hairdo. And all of a sudden you have to get on that bus for the first time and all you could think was, "Mommy!"

But you had to get on the bus. I have to get on the plane. Who knows what awaits me there? What gifts? What challenges (which is to say, which wrong Metro stop will I get off at and wander around for hours dragging my dead body of a duffel bag, choking back the tears)?

I have not traveled a lot, but I travel observantly when I do and have come to the following conclusion: any trouble you run into while traveling (unless of course you choose to carry an unidentified package out of Thailand) only costs you money or time. Yes, both are precious and you can get your knickers in a twist about your budget (which everyone knows is going right out the window anyhow) or you can relax and realize that it's only money and it's only time. An extra 20 Euro and two hours is nothing in the grand scheme of your grand adventure.

We'd be well served to think the same about fear too. It's only fear.

Lately, when fear comes a-knocking, I've begun striking up a conversation with it. "Oh, hello Fear. Haven't seen you in a few days. How's tricks?" Etc.

Fear, incidentally, isn't much of a conversationalist. It prefers the non-verbal, intimidation style of communication. Like a bouncer or a mafia goon. It just shows up and stares at you and you start blubbering and crying and you practically take your own kneecaps out because, really, all it did is just stand there. So, the best bet is not to be intimidated.

"Hey Fear, nice boots. So spiky! And where did you get those brass knuckles? I've been looking for a pair myself. I figure you have a good gig with this intimidation business. Looks fun. Is it fun? And how are the benefits? Do you get dental? I'm dying for dental coverage right now."

You see my point.

Reminds me of the end of the movie Labyrinth when a very young Jennifer Connolly realizes that a very drag queen David Bowie actually has no physical power over her. He's just been rocking the intimidation factor (and the magenta eye shadow). And she throws the shiny ball-thing up in the air and he looks like 'Aw shit, the gig is up' and the ball-thing probably smashes into millions of pieces. Omigod...just like the illusion David Bowie created! So much wisdom in movies from the mid-80s, yes?

So, yeah, Fear. Small talk helps, sure, but there's something bigger that helps as well. Trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in the universe, God, Allah...whatever Higher Power you are working with. Wait, you are working with a Higher Power, aren't you? Oh dear. Here we go...