Day 203: Emcee Emjay In The House

Last night, as part of my Hit The Ground Running plan, I emceed an event for the Alberta Magazine Publisher's Association. Because performing in front of hundreds of people three days after I arrive is a GREAT way to combat the stress of transatlantic travel.

I was encouraged to hear that last year's emcee sucked balls, so the bar wasn't high to begin with. Yessss. Nothing like shooting low.

There was only one awkward moment. I returned to the mic after AMPA's vertically challenged executive director did her speech. This woman is short. Like REALLY short.

And as I moved the mic up toward my mouth, I muttered a poorly timed, "Whoa. Midget."

A statement which was then amplified and reverberated through the room.

Despite that, after the big show, the Cool Editors invited me for a drink. There is one rather sexy, sought-after publication in this province and getting invited out with them is like getting asked to sit with the popular girls in the lunchroom. So I went. Obviously.

We drive to a chic wine bar and sit down. We talk about this and that and somehow talk turns to People With Depression And How We Would Never Date Them EVER EVER EVER.

Apparently one of the cool girls dated a guy who struggled with depression and now it's a total dealbreaker. Only she doesn't just stop at the person she's dating – no one in the FAMILY can have it either. So I guess depression is a form of the black plague and their advice if you see someone INFECTED is to run screaming as though your head was on fire.

The conversation was interesting to me, not in the least because these editors KNOW about my struggles with depression based on the articles I've written FOR THEIR MAGAZINE. But clearly, they'd forgotten and having learned from my Anti-PC Microphone Moment Of The Week, I chose to keep my big mouth shut.

Seconds later, one of the cool girls says, "So, my Person gave me a new trick for my anxiety."
"Your...Person?" I ask.
"Yeah," she says. "I see a Person about my problems with anxiety."

Ah. Is that what they're calling them these days.

She then went on to describe some kind of strange finger tapping exercise where you tap each finger on a table one by one, naming off the fingers as you go: thumb, index finger, middle finger, etc.

"I just go through highland dancing moves in my head," piped up Cool Girl #2. "A leap is a form of elevation where you take off from the balls of two feet and land on the balls of one foot."

After this baffling bit of dialogue, Cool Girl #1 turned to me and said in that slightly embarrassed manner of people who see People, "I highly recommend having a Person."

I nodded and sipped my wine demurely.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Cool Girl #1 then said to me apropos of nothing. "How does your boyfriend feel about you abandoning him and going to Paris?"

Hmm, Cool Girl #1. How do YOU feel about it?