How To Live Your Dream: Part Deux

And so, the psychological/spiritual/emotional side of things. Perhaps I should have titled this post: Fear Management And You. That's all it is, friends. Fear. What holds you back from everything you've ever wanted to do, be, see, say, have...

From a macro perspective, one's life should be a systematic dismantling of fear – which has probably been building up since you were around three years old. From a micro perspective, it's more about being scared shitless and doing it anyway. You can do a lot of reading on fear and its various and creative manifestations in people's psyches and actions. You could spend your whole life researching it or trying to dodge it, but when it comes right down to it, the only way out is through.

I won't sugar-coat things though. There is a distinct possibility that you could actually fail. But I have a feeling fear's impressions and interpretations of how failure will feel are way worse than how failure actually feels.

A small case study. I was once married. I was desperately afraid of my husband leaving. I felt that if he left, I would die. (Let's not even start with how ridiculous these beliefs are. One of the points of this exercise is to understand that most beliefs are actually ridiculous when under the harsh light of scrutiny.) So, my belief was that if my marriage failed, I would die.

Then, my husband left. I remember the day quite well. It was our second wedding anniversary and he told me he was leaving. He got a massive nosebleed, which I helped clean up and then I went to my parents house. I told them what was going on and I went to bed. I woke up the next day and gave notice on our apartment. I was not dead. Far from it, actually, I was functioning. I kept putting one foot in front of the other. Don't get me wrong, it felt terrible. Hurt and sadness, the whole nine yards.

And although it sounds like a beauty pageant thing to say, it really was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I got a new beginning. I got to rebuild my life exactly the way I wanted it. I got to rebuild myself, my identity, my self-esteem, exactly the way I wanted it. In fact, one could say that my husband leaving was one of the catalysts for me living my Paris dream now.

During my almost-five-year relationship with him, I systematically moved away from my own dreams. During the five years since he left, I've been systematically moving toward them. It sometimes irritates me that it's taken so damn long. That I've "wasted" ten years of my life on this there-and-back-again journey.

But, as Julia Cameron writes in 'The Artist's Way' (a highly, highly recommended read):
"But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play?"
Yes...the same age you will be if you don't.
So let's start.

The notions of wasted time and it being 'too late' are irrelevant. And although we can mourn the loss of our innocence, wallowing too far is only doing that which we are worried about in the first place: wasting time. There will always be a million reasons not to. I've been known to say that your mind can talk you into or out of anything.

Your brilliant brain is not to be trusted. Your brain is a control freak and a pain in the ass. Think of the office where you work. Your brain is that irritating know-it-all you work with. The one who can't let anything go without comment, judgment and most likely condemnation. She's pear-shaped and dresses like it's 1986 and has a she-mullet and stuff stuck in her teeth. This is your mind on fear.

So, the first step is to feel the fear and do it anyway – whatever 'it' is. 'It' doesn't have to be jumping on a plane to write in Paris. Perhaps 'it' is simply allowing yourself to think that this full-time career you've donated years and years of your life to is not your higher calling, no matter what pay scale you are at or what Assistant Regional Director title they tack onto it. Or that you always secretly wanted to be a rock star, pastry chef, poet, film director, writer, painter, photographer, astrophysicist.

The second step is to begin. Now. There will always be reasons why not. There will always be excuses. Trust me, I became a master of excuses: I can't go to Paris now, because I have a big project coming up. Because I only get two weeks' holiday. Because I'm buying a condo.

Don't think that your excuses are better or more justified than anyone else's. That's a load of crap. Everyone has to pay bills and be responsible. Everyone has expectations and pressures. There is no prize for having the best, most self-limiting excuse. You got yourself into this mess. You don't get a gold star for being a martyr and staying in it.

Begin by observing how your crafty little mind creates blocks and excuses to keep you right where you are in your own status quo. I can't focus on my photography until I retire. I can't quit my job because I said I'd stick it out for two years. I can't go to art school because I just graduated from engineering school. I can't be an interior designer because being a doctor is more respected. I can't be an artist because I won't be able to pay my mortgage. I can't go to the beach until I lose ten pounds.

These probably sound familiar. And they probably sound like the truth. Are they really? Do you really have to lose ten pounds before you go to a beach? Or do you need to accept and love yourself before you allow yourself to do the things you truly desire? Before you feel worthy of living the life you imagined?

Let me ask you this: when does your real life begin? When does this trial-run, rehearsal, safety-first, holding pattern life end and the exciting, passion and purpose-filled vision of your life start? Why can't that be now?