Twisting in the Wind

Yesterday when I wrote about converts, I excluded one person. I did that for her privacy because I'm not sure how 'out' she is about her particular journey. But she is actually one of the biggest Dream Junkies I know. The kind of person who is super inspiring and maybe doesn't even know it.

So, I won't name names, but I need you to know her story.

My dreams are creative, and being a blog about chasing dreams, the focus here tends to be on artistic journeys. And I often wonder if the hugely artistic bent of this writing alienates those non-creatively focused people. I hope not. Because dreams are dreams are dreams. And making dreams come true, no matter what they are, is a purely creative process. You are making something new and beautiful.

And this story is not about making art, it's about making love. Not in a Barry Isaacs 'I just wanna love you' kind of way, but in an epic love across obstacles kind of way.

I'm going to call this story's heroine Athena. Goddess of the Hunt. A kick-ass warrior broad. Seems fitting.

I met Athena on the eve of an earth-shattering breakup. Hers, not mine. Her fiancé had, without warning, totally decompensated, freaked and moved out. She stayed with a couple of friends for the weekend and they brought me in as Breakup Damage Control.

We hit it off right away, Athena and I. We connected in the way soldiers do in the trenches. Because we both know what it feels like to have your heart suddenly and forcibly removed from your body.

Before I knew her, Athena had to undergo a hysterectomy. There are a handful of women in and around my world who have had to go through this. I am never totally clear about the exact reason for it, but I always assume it has to do with fibroids or endimetriosis or some other 'Please God, stop this excruciating, debilitating pain' rationale. Hearing that someone had a hysterectomy always affects me very viscerally. There is a loss of womanhood thing associated with it. And I imagine the grieving process after a surgery like that is intense.

Athena's hysterectomy and breakup happened pretty close together, like within a year or so. So, for her, both Marriage and Children were surgically removed from her life. Pretty fucking devastating if you ask me.

Athena did not fall apart. She did not turn into a self-destructive psychopath. She – in true warrior style – soldiered through.

And then Dream Guy came along. Way too early. Dude missed the memo that Athena needed two years of grieving and getting her shit together before she could deal with someone this great. Dream Guy said, 'Sorry Lady. I'm here. Deal with it.'

All of Athena's friends did their over-protective 'I don't know about this' thing. Including me. But that's because it took me five years to get over my breakup. I'm slow, I guess. So Dream Guy's here. Dream Guy's a reality.

I met him and was blown away. Not that he's shizzammy, glitzy wonderful. He didn't try to win me over or anything. He's just simply, totally, completely great. And he 100%, non-negotiably loves Athena. I'm talking rock solid human being, partner for life stuff. It's just that simple.

Athena and Dreamy start talking about children.

Did I mention Athena's hysterectomy? Yeah. This is a big, big, BIG deal. They talk about the surrogate mother route. Because that's kind of the only way to go.

And it would be so easy to trot out the 'if you have to try that hard, it's not meant to be' line. And I'm sure people have. I'm also sure Athena and Dreamy thought about and felt that too. I'm sure about four million people suggested they 'just adopt.' It's easy for those of us with all the equipment to judge, right?

Doing something that other people don't understand or support is so incredibly hard and so beautifully brave. Living a life that is outside of the narrow confines of 'normal' is an act of courage and an act of creativity. It's an act of love.

Do you think anyone would choose to be judged or alienated or ostracized if they weren't being driven by something much larger, much more powerful and beautiful than caring what other people think?

I'm thinking about my gay friends now. And my artist friends. And the people in my life who don't fit the mold of 2.5 kids and white picket fences and perfect cocktail party small talk. All of these people live on the fringe of something called Normal. I don't even know what that is. I don't know what marketing genius made us all think we needed to be part of it. But there's Normal and then there's us.

Right now, Athena is on some hard-core hormones, getting her ovaries ready for a huge process that may or may not result in a child. She's feeling completely alone. She's feeling scared and probably totally crazy. She's questioning every choice she's made over the past six months and wants nothing more than to claw her way back to Normal Town.

Sister, you are not alone. We're all here with you, hanging out on the fringe. On the cutting, bleeding edge where the wind is colder, but the views are fucking breathtaking.