Mental Judo

I've received several emails from women lately (thanks girls!) in response to these posts. Many of them mention their fear. About their LEEP surgeries, about not knowing, etc. I am no stranger to fear myself.

Knowing that my colposcopy results weren't good, but not being able to hear how 'not good' for three weeks was brutal. My friend described it as the 'knowing but not knowing' phase. You know your life is about to change, but you don't know how drastically.

I've written about a different kind of fear. Or a different context for fear anyhow. The fear of pushing outside your comfort zone as you go after your dreams. This fear is actually delicious because it means you are evolving, just by being there to feel it. If I could have a favourite kind of fear, that would officially be it. Which reminds me that there is always something to be grateful for. Always.

The fear of knowing but not knowing is mixed with the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. You sit, festering in your anxiety, waiting for someone else to tell you what's going on in your body. Your body becomes a foreign country.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I've never been one to tolerate helplessness or inactivity. I'm impatient, I guess. And while I do trust that my doctor (and others in my support network) have my best interests in mind, no one knows Melanie like Melanie. Listen to your intuition. What is it telling you?

The messages from my intuition are about taking responsibility for my own health. They are about being proactive and doing something I've been calling mental judo. Transforming all that negative freak-out energy into positive action.

Ladies, we haven't been given any options. Have you noticed that? Abnormal PAPs lead you straight to colposcopy. Abnormal colposcopy leads you straight to surgery. In between, we are just asked to wait. Once again, I don't think that's good enough. So, I encourage you to use the time (and the opportunity) well. Do something. Please don't let fear paralyze you. Let it galvanize you.

Your intuition has been talking to you for some time. Perhaps it's been telling you to quit that terrible job. Or travel. Or learn how to play the cello. If you read my past posts, you'll see I say the same thing about how to live your dreams. It's all connected. And it's all about filling your life – and your body – with joy, love and gratitude. Regardless of whether there are double-blind clinical trials to back it up.

You know what? Forget HPV. Well, don't 'forget it' like 'go into denial' about it. Read these posts. And then read the posts in April when I went to Paris to live my Big Dream. Boyfriend left me a Post-It love note this morning that read: You Inspire Me. Well, let me pass along the favour to you. Read about my journey to Paris. Get inspired. See the possibilities. Use this moment in your life as the TSN Turning Point. The part where you come from behind, kick serious ass and walk away with million-dollar endorsement deals. Or something like that.