Maybe it was that we had no expectations about how fun it was going to be. Maybe it was the fact that all four days included James Brown, champagne and chocolate-chunk brownies. Maybe it was because we were in Cali-fucking-fornia for God's sake. Whatever it was, it was perfect. And for five years, we've attempted to recreate the magic. To no avail.
There was the Forest Fires and Mac Trucks At 3 AM camping trip of 2003. There was several rounds of Let's Try To Turn Kim's Basement Apartment In Vancouver into Fun Central When Really It's Just Mildewy and Damp (Physically and Metaphorically). Then there was the classic Visit To The Other Sister, where I went into a Pottery Barn coma upon entering Middle Sister's new HGTV/Martha Stewart/Designer Guys umbrella drink of a condo and became asphyxiated with indecision over which of the three fruit-scented bath gels and matching body lotions to use. (They called the paramedics...I was fine.)
Every year, Kim and I get a little more desperate as the Valhalla of our first vacay slips further from our reach. And so, our three days in The Cherry Cabin on Kootenay Lake were more Sudden Death Sister Bonding Mission than chilled-out vacation.
How We Imagined It To Be
- Perfect sunny, 30-degree weather (so Kim could tan and I could have a hope of entering the sub-zero lake water)
- No other human beings within a 2 mile radius of wherever we were at that precise moment in time
- A rustic cabin, yes, but one with supremely comfortable, preferably pillow-top beds, soaker tubs, spa showers and extremely accommodating cabana boys
- Bliss, joy and laughter from the time we left home to the time we returned
- Spa-like states of relaxation (with or without drooling)
- Lovely sandy beaches with no one quite so attractive as us upon them
- Almost-transcendental states of sisterly love
- Consciousness-altering conversation illuminating the great mysteries of, if not the Universe itself, then at least each other as beings within said Universe
- A clear understanding of the nature of Happiness and how to facilitate It in our lives
How It Was
- Windy, cold and rainy such that I wore wool socks to bed and turned on the plug-in heater thingy that buzzed and rattled into the night
- A band of neighbours in the cabin next to ours, all blessed with the gift of profanity, plus the charming alcoholic owner of the "resort" who insisted on laughing boozily in our faces after everything he said (none of which was anywhere near that funny)
- Whatever the opposite of a "pillow-top bed" is
- Intermittent irritation, disappointment and making-the-best-of-things, assuaged by the steady application of cheap red wine, beer, vodka-soda-with-lime
- First-year-university-like states of tipsiness (with and without drooling)
- Almost-homicidal states of sisterly competition during the two separate trouncings I sustained in the 1st Annual Jones Sisters Gin-n-Juice Gin Rummy tournament
- New levels of understanding as it relates to each other's sex lives
- New levels of understanding as it relates to the cheapest and/or best place to procure a bikini wax (cross referenced with who does and doesn't do 'the bum') independent of whether or not you will ever be in a bikini on your holiday because it is so bloody effing cold
- Personal progress on the Happiness issue including the effect of eating wild blackberries off the vine and sipping coffee while gazing onto the morning-calm waters of Kootenay Lake
- Acknowledgment that one's list of life goals should and will henceforth include 'Cabin By A Lake'
- Tacit agreement that a general reduction in Overblown Expectations and Preconceived Notions would also be helpful
- Plans for Sisterfest 2009 will be limited to one of the following locations: Bora Bora, Maui, Santorini or Havana
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