My Adventures with Dana the Artist

6:00 Wake up to sun rising and birds singing
7:00 Reheat coffee in microwave
7:01 Decide that was a terrible idea
8:30 Eat tortilla chips with salsa and guacamole in lieu of breakfast
9:30 Drive to Logan Lake in 1970s VW van (wearing hunting hat and jacket, concealing Budweiser in sleeve while passing the police station)
9:45 Get gas
10:00 Drive deeper into baked desert hills, passing rusted railroad cars and pink-signed bars
10:30 Discuss rationale for broken-down cars on lawns. Dana thinks it's a status thing. I think it's just basic human laziness and I'm surprised I don't have a rusted-out Dodge Charger on my lawn
10:32 Go off-road with van, stopping near peaceful lake
11:00 Walk toward lake, dodging cactus. Notice how the ground throbs with grasshoppers as I walk
11:17 Observe hawk and smaller bird fighting above the forest
12:00 Learn about frog migration and observe it in action as dozens of teeny tiny toads boing about in the reeking mud
12:27 Go off-road with Crocs, shoes that have as much traction as two pats of butter
12:58 See the small bird that was fighting with the hawk. Observe her pretend to have a broken wing in order to draw us away from her nest. Decide we're not fooled by this drama queen
1:10 Train eye to notice chips of basalt in preparation for intense arrowhead seeking
1:30 Arrive at “ancient” campsite and search for arrowheads amid broken beer bottles. Deposit new rock collection in brown paper bag
2:02 Cross small stream with van, jumping out to observe another phase of the frog migration. Choose not tell Dana about several frog-van casualties
2:45 Drive to farm. Buy two pies (blueberry and raspberry)
3:15 Pass large herd of mountain goats (or sheep, I can’t remember which is which). Become momentarily shocked as one of them gets its horns wrapped in barbed wire. Enjoy relief as he frees himself
3:20 Drive to town of Clinton
3:45 Get harassed by nosy church ladies at Thrift Store #1. Consider buying a book called “Kebab It!” based solely on title
4:00 Question the sobriety of Mr. & Mrs. Joe Dealz at Thrift Store #2
4:20 Purchase badge reading “Every Thursday is Bargain Finder Days” at Thrift Store #3
4:30 Wonder how a town this small has three second-hand stores
4:45 Peruse Clinton Museum, specifically looking at their collection of arrowheads
5:15 Sign guest book with fake name
5:26 Eat 1 slice of Havarti cheese, the first thing since "breakfast." Decide Havarti is the single most delicious cheese in the world
6:00 Drive to nearby provincial park
6:15 Start campfire (okay, stand uselessly by as Dana the Woodsman starts fire)
6:16 Decide to start more fires in life
6:30 Cook chunks of steak on sticks in fire (kebab it!)
7:20 Eat pie
7:30 Discover raspberry bush. Eat raspberries
7:45 Drive deeper into provincial park
8:00 Search for arrowheads
8:20 Begin to think this search for arrowheads is pointless and stupid
8:30 Begin to think Dana’s dad, despite having written books about ancient indigenous tribes, is full of shit and there never were arrowheads in the first place and he just made it up. Next Dana's going to tell me there’s gold in them thar hills. Or leprechauns or something
8:42 Keep looking for arrowheads despite skepticism and aching back
8:50 Feel inexplicable joy (followed by easily explicable jealousy) when Dana finds perfect, amazing arrowhead
9:00 Return to search with renewed enthusiasm
9:37 Wonder if the fact that I don’t end up finding an arrowhead says something about my energetic point of attraction
9:40 Get back in van
10:00 Stop by side of road to investigate mysterious black animal, discovering the sun-bleached bones of another animal instead
10:15 Drive home, falling asleep intermittently in the passenger seat, being woken by bizarre volume changes on 1970s tape deck
11:30 Arrive home profoundly tired, covered in a layer of dust and feeling like I lived this day as fully and completely as one could possibly live any day of one's life and if this doesn't feed my creativity, I have no idea what would