The Feel-Good List

Yesterday, I told you to shine the cold, harsh light of reality on your denial. What I didn't tell you is this is a Three Part Series! My patented Mel Jones Three Step Heat-Seeking Anti-Denial Mental Missile is guaranteed* to improve your self-worth and make life better.*

* Results may vary.

So, Part One was a little painful. You made a big list of things that were holding you back, that you were avoiding and that otherwise lurked in your subconscious. You scraped around in old wounds and yucky places that you've been crafting your life in order to avoid. After making the list, maybe you felt hopeful, but you probably also felt guilty, ashamed and scared.

Wait. You did make the list, didn't you?

Well, shoot Skipper, get on it. It's good for you.

Yesterday's lesson was supposed to feel bad. You've been avoiding the pain, so of course it was there waiting for you. But today's installment feels a lot better. You probably figured that out from my expertly crafted title.

Today, I offer you hope. I offer you an exercise that makes yesterday's hurts hurt a little less, but also a provides something I like to call Healthy Alternatives for Dealing with Your Emotions. We learned about denial. We learned that it messes up our lives. We learned that it makes us avoid things, and that those things we're avoiding don't really go away until we stop avoiding them. We learned, perhaps intuitively, that denial is a coping mechanism we use to minimize the bad feelings of pain, fear and anger. Which might be helpful in the short term, but it doesn't offer us a lot over the long haul.

So, you've given up denial as a lifestyle choice. What the hell are you supposed to do now?

My answer (well, one of my answers...I have many, many more) is the Feel-Good List. The name pretty much says it all, but for those of you who are a little slow: the Feel-Good List is a point-form list of things that make you feel good. It's another Mental Judo move and it really, really works.

But it's deceptively simple. You have developed habitual ways of dealing with your pain. Things that theoretically feel good and are supposedly fun: flopping in front of the TV for five hours a night, drinking nine beers every Friday, treating yourself to a Supersize Big Mac combo, smoking a joint. You tell yourself this is how you have fun, cut loose, take the edge off. But, does zoning out in front of the television really feel good? Or does it just numb you out from feeling unhappy, lonely or depressed?

When's the last time you sat down and thought about what makes you feel good? And I mean really, deliciously good in an inside-and-out kind of way. The kind of feeling good that doesn't lead to hangovers or heart attacks.

Don't worry, we're not going skipping off to Sunday service here. There is such a thing as wholesome, healthy activity that doesn't involve becoming a born-again Christian. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Instead of resorting to unhealthy patterns when you feel scared, lonely, sad or anxious, you refer to your Feel-Good List as a toolbox of ideas to make you feel better.

Feel-Good things are simple things. Easy to manage things. Inexpensive things. Things like steamy hot baths with delicious-smelling bubbles. If that's your thing. Or running up to the top of Nose Hill to take in the view. Driving to the mountains. Walking by the river. Reading poetry aloud. Washing your car by hand. Rearranging your furniture. Listening to James Brown. Dancing to James Brown like James Brown while wearing a wig resembling the hairdo of James Brown. Whatever blows your afro back.

Make your Feel-Good List. And when you feel like drowning your sorrows in a bag of Oreos (or blotter acid), do something on the list instead.

It takes time and it takes tools to reprogram into health. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that browsing Internet porn isn't going to help you live the life you always dreamed of. I know your problems are too complex for a bubble bath to fix. But staring at HGTV isn't going to fix them either.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours:

MJ's Feel-Good List
Walking in the sunshine (preferably holding a latté)
Travelling
Baths/looooong hot showers
Being fit
Mid-afternoon chocolate
Writing morning pages with a big cup of tea as the sun comes up
Writing in cafes
People-watching
Making special meals at home (with people I love)
Saving money specifically for adventures
Reading for whole Saturday afternoons or before bed
Working hard on a project and then finishing it
Charging an hourly rate that values my skill/experience
Being creative
Being silly
Going to markets
That Wintersleep song (Weighty Ghost)
Meeting an interesting person for coffee
Going after my crazy artist dreams
Reminding myself I am loved
Listening to this mediation podcast I found