Unpack Your Baggage

My dead-body duffel bag still sits in our bedroom, wrinkled clothing spewing out from its gaping, open wound. I've at least taken out the dirty clothes and washed them, but they still languish in the laundry basket – clean, patient, waiting.

Ah, baggage. It just sits there. Relentlessly and patiently in the way, but still, we walk around it or work around it. Pretending it's not there, or not that bad.

I haven't done my taxes.

Which isn't surprising given the fact that I was in Paris when everyone else was getting their's done...and given the fact I have a serious block when it comes to financial responsibility. It's not that I'm intentionally evading the taxman. It's just that other things, every other thing in fact, is more important to me. This is how I've rationalized it for my entire adult life.

Don't get me wrong, I've paid taxes in the past. I'm never more than a year behind. But I have a pattern of avoidance and fear about taxes and governments and Alberta Health Care premiums that leads me to do irresponsible things. Like not tell Alberta Health Care that I moved a long, long time ago. And the address they have is two addresses out of date. Someone, somewhere on 17th Avenue SW is getting my Health Care bills and wondering what kind of yutz Melanie E. Jones is.

The point, dear friends, is this: you know what your baggage is and you're too afraid to look at it. But the damage it continues to do is holding you back. Right now.

You might think that my aversion to paying taxes has nothing to do with becoming a world-famous screenwriter. But it does. All that fear and self-loathing I cart around in various shades of Repression Blue is limiting my potential. All the energy you are putting into avoiding your demons is working against your success as a vibrant, abundant being.

You can run, but you can't hide.

The un-dealt-with skeletons in your closet may seem minor (I have a problem with getting my oil changed, too) or they might seem too big to deal with (in the case of additions or histories of abuse). Regardless of their perceived scope, they are all damaging on a fundamental level. You cannot reach your full potential if you are harboring guilt, anger or shame. Full stop.

You can eat organic food and practice yoga all you want, but if you are seething with resentment over your relationship with your father, you will never get to where you want to go. Sorry. Tough love Monday.

So, unpack your baggage. Air out those musty feelings, beliefs and parking tickets. Be honest. Be brave. Make a list of your Incompletes (I believe this is a Debbie Ford term) – that unfinished business that lurks in the dark corners of your consciousness and weighs you down. My list includes things like taxes, my health, library books and car maintenance, as well as things like my beliefs about money and my relationship with my family.

Maybe your list is overwhelming. Chances are, it is. I mean, you've been avoiding this stuff for a reason. You didn't want to deal with it yesterday and it hasn't gotten any easier today. Yet. So make the list. Air out all your dark corners and put it on paper. Get it out of your head and your guts or wherever you store your dirty secrets. Already, you'll feel lighter. There it is. There is all the unfinished business that has been holding me back. Getting out of denial is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

The next step is to take action. Thinking about it and making lists are one thing. Taking one, tangible action toward change is another. And in many ways, it's the only thing. I'd argue that your list of Incompletes has been hanging around in your conscious mind, fully formed, for a long time. So making the list is like the step before the first step. It's the prequel.

You must take action. Do one thing. What's the next physical action you could take to move an item on your list towards completion? Do it. Now. Don't think about it. Don't let your sneaky denial-addled mind try to weasel out of it with its clever excuses like, 'But I'm at work.' Call the car mechanic. Call the accountant. Call your shrink. I don't care how small this action is, just do it.

And then congratulate yourself. Seriously. I've said this before. If you start grumbling about how much more you have to do and how the only reason you are fucked up in the first place is because of your negligent parents, you won't be motivated to do a second action. Which is what I'm going to ask you to do next.

Just do it...again. And again. And again. Until you've done five actions and you can say, 'Holy Dinah! I'm moving forward!' And then you've got momentum and you keep going because now it's a game. It's a challenge and you're gonna win it. You are going to succeed.

Just by clearing your incompletes, you make huge strides in terms of moving toward your own greatness and improving your self-esteem. One of the hugest ways to improve your self-regard is to do things you are proud of. Be the kind of person you always wanted to be. I bet that person does their taxes on time. I bet that person has a clean car and a clean house. I bet they eat well and exercise. I bet they don't fester in denial and let it manifest in unhealthy ways like addiction, chronic illness and self-sabotage. I bet they tell the truth to themselves and everyone else.