Geek 2.0

Boyfriend is here attending RailsConf 2008 – an annual conference that I refer to as Geekfest. Basically, it's 2000 geeks in one place talking about Rails. Or Ruby on Rails. Or RoR. You know, the open source web application framework written in Ruby? Yeah that.

When I was working at WHERE Magazine, geek chic was coming up in men's fashion. Thick black-rimmed glasses, sweater vests, etc. Nerdy clothing that actually looked pretty stylin'...mostly because it was made by Calvin Klein. I suspect it was more about making male models look smart, rather than making nerdy dudes look cool.

For my analysis of Geekfest 2008, though, I think Geek and Chic are two ends of a spectrum. Geeks are a diverse species, friends. The standard-issue pocket protector geek doesn't even exist anymore. Get with the programmer. This is Geek 2.0.

Hopeless Geeks – Even geekdom has its geeks. These dudes are the bottom of the geek food chain. Impossibly, hopelessly, irredeemably nerdy. Awkward, shy and unable to connect even when surrounded by people for whom "I Am Root" is a hilarious punchline. Maybe it's just because we're in America, but the hopeless geeks I have observed are all spectacularly overweight. Like, bellies hanging out the bottom of the t-shirt overweight. I feel like hugging them every time I see them.

True Geeks – These are the geeks you think about. Glasses, either skinny-skinny or pudgy, terrible fashion sense, usually wearing either hiking shoes or those bizarre black sneaker-looking shoes. Like, where do people get those shoes anyway? This is also where the trench coats and long hair Dungeons & Dragons geeks fit in. One of the true geeks I observed was wearing a t-shirt that said: "Go Away or I Will Replace You With a Very Small Shell Script." Um. What?

She-Geeks – She-geeks are rare. Although there are more of them this year than there were last Geekfest. She-geeks range from man-looking bull sheeks to ultra-femme head-turners like the smokin' hot Asian she-geek in high heels from last year. I'm telling you ladies, if you want to date a geek, attend one of these conferences. The ratio is ridiculous.

Sub-Hip – Sub-hip geeks are true geeks that work in hip surroundings like cool software companies or boutique web design/advertising agencies. So some of the hipness soaks in. Gone are the strange black sneakers. We're talking golf shirts, jeans and stylie sneakers. These guys are invariably stick-thin and have flat-top haircuts and glasses. They are so close to being hip, it hurts.

Hip Geeks – Studiously cool, these dudes look more like creatives than geeks. This is geek chic at its finest. Smart-ass t-shirts, expensive jeans, tattoos and black thick-rimmed designer glasses. If you took off the glasses, you'd have an indie rocker. Or a Prada model. This is the upper echelon of geekitude. Basically, these men are hotties posing as geeks. Damn them.

Porn Geeks – These guys don't even count. They are so NOT geeks! They are the guys who run the company or are in sales or something. They are completely out of place with their chiseled George Clooney looks and expensive Italian shoes. I mean, seriously...dimples?! Come on. One of them walked by and I almost fell over: six-foot-four, tan, cheekbones from heaven, platinum mohawk. Are. You. Kidding. Me.

So, the question you'll ask me next is: where does Boyfriend fit in the rubric of geekliness? Boyfriend, for those who know him, defies categorization. This is not a cop-out. This is the truth. He has always defied categorization in everything. Even in boyfriend-ness. I have always called him a Jock-Geek. He is shy and loves computers. He wears North Face and Nike and runs marathons. He doesn't have chiseled Porn Geek good looks. But he has this set of brown eyes that make your insides melt. Maybe his category is this: My Geek. Hands off.