The Thing About Paris

I'm back from my trompings through the wilderness. Have a lot to process and will report on that over the next few days. However, I did want to address an issue between us. Paris.

I haven't bought my ticket and the stupid IKEA furniture is still sitting in my garage. Which, as someone near and dear pointed out, makes me look like a liar. Which, based on ideals like honesty and integrity, doesn't sit well with me.

So, here's the story.

When I got back from my magical God-coming-down-for-a-chat walk, I had a sit down with Boyfriend. This was the 428th sit down talk Boyfriend endured over the month of July, and despite that, he responded really well to the fact that I sang him a real live version of 'Leavin' on a Jet Plane.'

It occurred to me later that I might have been using the trip to Paris as a way to escape a relationship I wasn't sure about. I would be running away from something. And that didn't feel right.

Our trip to Fernie was about us getting to the bottom of everything within our relationship. During that trip, I began to worry about Depression because I was crying-and-not-stopping so freakishly frequently.

So. At that point I was confused about my relationship and whether I was using Paris as an escape hatch. And I was becoming scared that I'd go to Paris, get horribly depressed and throw myself into the Seine.

It occurred to me that there were several issues to address before I got on that plane.

Rather than call the travel agent, I decided to address those issues. I figured out that the source of these pre-depressive feelings is stifled creativity. I've determined I need to separate my feelings about my relationship from my own personal struggles. And I've decided to focus on myself first and deal with the relationship second.

Boyfriend had the very sensible idea to set a Decision Deadline for Paris. That deadline is August 15th. Between now and then, I am focusing 100% on my creative work. Which, if my calculations are correct, should decrease feelings of Depression and increase Living Your Dreams Factor.

So that's me. Now, back to us. Dear readers, I love you. You keep me going and you lift me up. So many of you have told me that I inspire you. I don't take that lightly. I don't ever want to mislead you or disappoint you. I'm (finally) beginning to understand the power of words and the power of hope. And you should know that as much as I've inspired you, you've inspired me.

We still friends?