Day 66: The Results Are In

The Democrats won in the U.S. The Republicans won in my cervix. Well, they're leading anyhow. Got the call late in the afternoon that I still have baddies lurking in my lady parts. "Low-grade dysplasia," which is better than high-grade and it could be worse and all that optimistic la-la crap. But the fact of the matter is, I've been going through this women's health gong show a little bit too long for my taste.

As soon as we heard, Boyfriend bundled me in the car and took me to a movie. We had a glass of wine and watched the election for a bit beforehand and that made me happy. The movie also made me happy: Tell No One, a French thriller set in Paris. They went right by my house in one of the car chase scenes. It was cool.

They want me back for more tests in six months, which puts us in April. They made me an appointment for April 20. I took it. I don't know what this does to Paris, but I don't know my ass from Page 9 right now either, so give me a minute and I'll get back to you.

I'm going to keep going with this Raw business. Boyfriend and I also agree that the stress levels need to come down. I cannot keep this I'm-a-walking-mood-swing thing going. Green smoothies and tai chi class, here I come. God. I'm turning into one of those cancer people. If you see me wearing baggy purple hemp clothing or rubbing crystals obsessively or swaying rapturously to pan flute music, wrestle me to the ground and slap me, okay? Promise?

Off for an anti-oxidant, phyto-nutrient, alkaline-inducing blender drink, laced heavily with 150 proof.