Day 76: Hotel Hacking

Yesterday was pretty much a perfect day. I was up at six drinking a green smoothie and kissing Boyfriend goodbye. I posted my blog and then hit the gym for an hour-or-so workout that involved bicep curls. Nothing makes a girl feel like kicking ass more than bicep curls, I tell you what.

About 9 am, I sat down to write. The words poured forth like Niagara Falls. I was practically laughing all day. I took a break to brave the gale-force winds and picked up this month's Psychology Today, which I read cover to cover.

Boyfriend returned and in a spectacular display of brand fidelity, watched TSN on TV and loaded up TSN.com on his laptop. While I was noticing how handsome Brett Favre is (shown here endorsing the Bowflex Home Exercise System TM), Boyfriend was noticing some rogue computers on the network.


Being Mac users we totally take our network security for granted, but hotels are a beehive of unprotected PC activity. Within one quarter of football, we had access to no less than six computers.

To illustrate a point and because we have no morals whatsoever, we tried to get in one. It was as easy as opening a folder, which revealed a treasure trove of terrible music and terrible movies with the exception of The Rolling Stone Greatest 500 Songs of All Time, a collection which I had unsuccessfully tried to illegally download a few months ago. Here she was, ripe for the picking.

I felt a flash of guilt because although I lack morals, I have a very loud conscience that bitches and complains every time I cross lines like these. But Boyfriend made the point that this dude got these songs for free so why shouldn't we. And then a different hot football player came on the screen to distract me: Matt Cassel, replacement QB for the New England Patriots (shown here with a massive growth on his head).


Tell me readers, is re-stealing as tacky as re-gifting? I say yes. Regardless, I now have several of the greatest songs of all time and one of the worst movies of all time, Hancock.

Now, it's not totally mind-boggling that someone would have pirated music and video in their Share With The Entire World Or At Least This Hotel file. But this guy also had photos. BE YE WARNED. He appeared to be some sort of arachno-paleantologist. There were pictures of fossilized spinal columns and massive tarantulas crawling all over his friends. Interesting hobby. And then there was a photo of a kid, which is when the thing clicked in my brain that we needed to shut this party right on down.

But Boyfriend kept clicking folders. "What are you looking for? Pornography?" I asked dryly, even though I am seventeen times more likely to look for porn than he is. And right on cue, up popped an extreme close-up of the biggest, juiciest, gravity-impacted breasts I have ever seen in my life. Outside of the locker room. Gaaa! ROSE TATTOO!

Please PC users. Please. For the sake of those of us with weak senses of right and wrong. Increase the security on your machine. God.