Day 44: Time Warps

I've been thinking a lot about Time these days. Right now, I'm conscious of two aspects of time at play. Once sense is about staying present and attentive to this exact moment in time. The other is about the fact that this moment is constantly shifting and changing – it's temporary.

First, staying present. That is, not freaking out about the future, not whingeing about the past, just keeping your attention on what is actually going on right now. If you are cleaning brushes, you aren't worrying about how the actual painting went today (past) or fretting about whether your work will sell (future). You are just cleaning brushes.

In my case, I'm writing the story of Signor Producer today. That is my task and nothing more. I don't need to go get an agent, revise Chapter Three, buy my Booker Prize award ceremony dress, nothing. I just need to write this one story.

One thing will lead to another. Which brings us to the fluidity of time.

Right now, I'm deep in the Creation Phase. I am writing this book, creating these stories from scratch and facing down the frightening Blank Page every morning. During this creation stage, I need a lot of isolation. I need big unbroken chunks of time to write. Too much social time pisses me off. I resent everyone who dares call me to interrupt my creative flow and God help you if you ask me for something. During this stage, I could resent the sun if I tried.

This part of my process will likely be very different from the Revision Stage. But, if this moment is reality, it's difficult not to get "stuck" in time and believe this is who you are – an antisocial and extremely resentful person.

It's difficult to keep the past and future out of your present. And it's difficult to let the present moment go.

Maybe that antisocial person is not who I am, but when.

I think I just blew my own mind a little bit.

In summary. All we have is this moment, but this too shall pass. Although we need to keep our attention firmly in the present, we can't cling to it, because it is constantly moving. We need both: presence and flexibility. I may be a militant art-freak right now, but so what? I'll be something else in a minute. A Vegas showgirl perhaps.