Day 39: Right Place, Right Time

So far only a few votes for the working title of my book. Paris Is My Girlfriend is in the lead with The Midget, The Dyke & The Doorknob close behind. I've also received some feedback like, "Doorknob? Huh?" and some title suggestions like French Immersion, What Would Jesus Write? and Je Ne Sais Quoi. Thanks guys! Keep it coming!

Meanwhile, back at the grindstone, things are coming together. I'm days away from a shitty first draft. Only it's not going to be as bad as some of my other first drafts, like the weird and upsetting novel I wrote two years ago during NaNoWriMo. No, friends, this draft has structure, direction, a clear style...and vast, gaping holes in the narrative. It's going to be the best shitty first draft I've ever written. Yessss.

Hey, you know those moments when things seem to coalesce in a really powerful, meaningful way? Like everything you've done, said, read or heard has been for this exact reason, only you didn't know it until this exact moment? That happened yesterday.

And it was because of that obsession article. Last week, I was stressed that the article was taking me off track and off task – stealing attention and energy from my book. But the opposite happened: I learned things from writing that article that have already made my writing better. In other words, I needed to write that article in order to finish my book.

Lessons from Obsession:

• There's a difference between an external/superficial motivation for doing something and an internal/spiritual one. Take a hard look at why you're doing what you're doing. Are you more concerned with end point or are you fully engaged in the process?
• "We are human beings, not human doings." - Dr. Stephanie Mason
• The left brain is the doing brain. The right brain is the being brain. (This is from the stroke memoir I read during the research process of the article.) You access the right brain by releasing the controlling/managing/fearful thoughts of the left brain and surrendering to the present moment.
• Unpleasant feelings like fear, anger and self-doubt are chemicals that will pass out of your bloodstream within 90 seconds. If you stay present and let them pass. If you choose to hook in to the related thought patterns, though, you'll make yourself miserable.
  
• "We move forward faster by being still." - Cathy Yost
• If you stay present and release the need to know everything or control the process, you will actually get more accomplished. Not in a vague woo woo way, but in a tangible 'words on the page' way.

So, I put all these facts together yesterday and applied them to my working process. Holy. Freaking. Dinah. Only, I'm trying not to get too Eureka! about the whole thing because I tend to go too far and think I've mastered the secrets of the Universe. Which leads to the Universe smiting me and my egotistical rantings with a debilitating dose of self-doubt and terrible writing. Best to stay humble and awe-filled.

What I "did" was simple: I stopped doing. I quit freaking out about how I'm not as far along as I wanted to be. I stopped fretting about word count, making progress, submitting short pieces, being a good writer, getting published. Everything. I remained calm. I remained present. All I had to do was write one piece of the puzzle. That's all. The rest takes care of itself.

If my attention wandered, I gently brought it back, just like every meditation tape in the world says. 'Finish this piece,' I told myself. 'That's all you have to do.' I just kept guiding myself back to the present moment and focused on completing the task at hand.

I finished the section and felt calm, satisfied and energized. I understood completely what is meant by 'getting out of your own way.' And then in the afternoon, I checked in with my outline. I am further along then I thought. I'm not behind...I'm ahead.